I have a crush on…

Pam Beasley. What a babe...

Pam Beesly. What a babe...

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I don’t understand myself…

I’m an angry person.

It’s times like these that help me relate to Paul as he writes to the church in Rome:

“14 So the trouble is not with the law, for it is spiritual and good. The trouble is with me, for I am all too human, a slave to sin. 15 I don’t really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do what I hate. 16 But if I know that what I am doing is wrong, this shows that I agree that the law is good. 17 So I am not the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

18 And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. 19 I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. 20 But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it.

21 I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. 22 I love God’s law with all my heart. 23 But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. 24 Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? 25 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin.”

I don’t want to be angry. But even still I choose impatience, anger, and hateful words everytime a difficult situation arises…one that could really be redeemed if I would just choose to walk in the love of Christ. I’m so good at talking about love in theory. I have all of these great ideas floating around in my mind about how I’m going to love people with my life, and always extend grace and forgiveness in all situations. I can love people quite well in my mind, actually.  Yet, I haven’t even walked beyond the boundries of my own home before I realize that I’m not that good at loving. What a miserable person I am! Thank God for His graciousness which sustains me. Through Him I pray that I may love.