The Low Down

Chaotic, frustrating, and exhausting. If I had to choose three words to describe my life right now then those would be my choices. Here’s why:

My life is chaotic mainly because of what is happening at work. I’m approaching the end of my internship and VBS is going down this week. I feel like I’ve been left with quite a bit on my plate as far as what needs to be done in order to prepare for youth group on Thursday so I am pretty spent by the time VBS rolls around each night at 6:00. Then I am expected to have an abundance of energy to keep up with the kids. I don’t think I’m a very fun person when I’m tired either. In fact, probably quite the opposite. I feel like I get grumpy and quite frankly, I don’t know if I would want to hang around me when I’m grumpy.

I’m frustrated with people who preach one thing and then practice another. I’m learning that every detail of every decision, especially in ministry, creates a certain culture or way of thinking for those who are affected by those decisions. Even if our way of thinking is affected subconsciously it is affected none the less and in the past I don’t think I realized this. We are easily influenced and that is just the reality of the matter. If we are being told one thing and then being shown another, then odds are, we will end up following what is being done because, well, we all know that actions speak louder than words. Straight up. Because of this reality it is extremely important that we embody our teachings (assuming that our teachings are scripturally sound) and I don’t feel like this is really happening. The problem is I am one of these people. I’m a hypocrite. I preach one thing and then practice another. I preach love and then get angry. I preach purity and then lust. I preach about the importance of prayer and then I don’t pray. On top of it all, I get frustrated when other people are hypocritical as if I have this right. Wow…

The sum of all this is exhaustion. Physical, mental, and spiritual exhaustion…

Through it all I feel like God is working through me. Somehow people are still responding at youth group after I speak, kids are still smiling at my undignified foolishness at VBS, and encouraging words are still finding their way out of my mouth. I don’t know how God is pulling this off. Maybe all of this talk about His graciousness is true…

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